Reiki Diary: Day 5

To say I woke up in a panic and sweat is an understatement, and nothing to do with the closeness of the air. As dreams go, the one last night was so vivid and real at the time, I woke up relieved to see the wife lying next to me. Just realised that we very rarely catalogue and analyse our dreams, our daily getting up in the morning routine gradually erases the unconscious recollections of the previous evening and by the time we log in to our laptops, probably not more than 5% of what we remember at the time of waking is all we have left. So it will be interesting over the next 25 nights. I’ve been jotting down my dreams as I wake on the iPhone so when I get to my first brew if the day I haven’t forgotten anything.

The dream itself was a tragic one. I recall being in something like a bus depot or garage in the company of my good friends “M”, “G” and “L”. Staring intently at the 4 dents in the grill of the Jeep, I ask the guy looking over the car how those two distinct sets of dents managed to get there, and the attendant relayed the message that the car had been stolen and the my wife and her sister had been killed in a hit and run accident and the assailant was still unknown and at loose. The two set of dents being their two sets of legs.

Oddly, I felt nothing, just a little numb. Following on the scene cut to the front of either the promenade in New Brighton (where Weatherspoons / Lacys occupy the real estate) yet it was different as there were more levels, similar to the narrow Bed & Breakfasts at the front in Rhyl. The last establishment on the corner was called The Anglesea pub, where I suggested we went to. Once inside, I got talking to the barman, who advised that the building consisted of two pubs, the bottom floor The Anglesea, but the floors above, the pub was called The Belfast. I enlightened him about recent events and that I was looking for a way to find out what happened.

He told me that the girls that frequented The Belfast were in fact hookers, but had a special talent of communing with the dead. So I started to ascend the spiral staircase to the floors above and recall passing “M” who was in a floor length black leather coat smoking a cigarette. The spiral staircase soon tuned into a conventional set of stairwell stairs and I entered The Belfast and gave a scantily glad girl some notes and asked her if she could help. She said that the killer was a dark haired man called Shotwick and that’s all she could reveal.

The scene then cut to me sitting on a park bench made of green metal strips, a wrecked man. A ball of negative energy revolving around my solar plexus, mourning and in agony for my recently departed wife, only for her apparition to appear about 50 feet away from my left. She started circling me, running faster and faster but keeping her distance at the same 50 feet. I could see trace lines behind her, images of herself in like a protective circle around me. I called to her to stop and ran towards her. Her image where she stopped dead became solid and I ran to grab her as the apparition continued to circle. The second I grabbed her I shot up out of bed and unearthed some sort of unconscious primordial sleep-grunt and came back to the land of the awake, rather glad she was still alive.

Reached over for my phone to have a morning surf and read with interest “M”s Facebook status update, and link to his blog site which in short detailed rather nicely mankind’s inevitable journey to the digitalisation of all media. Some debate ensued on the thread on the pros and cons of the printed word vs e-reader convenience and portability, but more interestingly perhaps, later debate on the arrow of time and multi-verse theory currently doing the rounds. I enjoy reading “M”s blogs and scribblings. If ever anyone has a book in them its surely him. As a result of that, may have to watch another episode of Prof Cox later, quality programming by Auntie.

All of that reminded me of the chat I had with “L” on the beach last night, where I postulated (what had Ruddo concurred to on the aforementioned thread), that we are all intrinsically linked to both the start of the universe and to each other. Rather comically he turned to me and said ‘Dad you freak’ and turned to chase the dog off into the sand dunes.

Had to go to the ATM to get some cash out for Jamie’s spends as he’s off the Lanzarote for two weeks, and in my infinitive wisdom decided to go to Morrisons and not Nat West, as the later invariable says ‘Sorry, this machine is out of order’ and Morrisons has two to ATM’s and not one.

Of course positive energy has a lie in every now and again and rightly shows that the second law of thermodynamics is true and exists (regarding high entropy), in that chaos and disorder still reigns supreme at times, as both machines were out at Morrisons and almost smugly the Nat West one beckoned me to insert my card. Note to self, do not assume too much in life.

All this talk of Entropy. Logged into Facebook with my mid morning coffee to find that “J” (of my Bloodstock Band of Brothers) had updated his bands page today, wishing his fellow Metal to the Masses contestants all the best in tonight’s heats. Oh yeah, and his band’s name, why Entropy of course…

Had my Mid Year Review today which went well as expected, and spent most of the time discussing existential stuff, with me acting as more of a life coach than a corporate mentor which was rather satisfying.

Through the post popped my annual pensions statement, giving me a breakdown of what I’m worth should I retire at 55, 60 or 65 based on my current rate of pay. I’m still adamant that come 55 when my mortgage is fully paid off and I’m debt free (besides the wife’s inevitable Next bill) I am out of the corporation for good, and will take a part-time role somewhere, hopefully in a more creative/humanitarian/philanthropic role, my own arrow of time.

Later in the day, I beckoned the wife into the ‘office’ and asked her about the tattoo design we both intend to get, based on the chakras. Of the 24 tattoo designs on offer, I had already preselected mine. Of the 24 tattoos on offer, she selected the one I had preselected. Quite some game of chance, even more ironic that the place in which my pain was swelling in the dream last night was the solar plexus, the exact chakra both of us selected today…

Reiki Diary: Day 4

So in answer to my question from yesterday regarding do we dream when in light sleep or deep sleep, my quest has come to an end so it seems.

According to the wife, I was tossing and turning last night (most likely because of the heat), and I recall although they all escape me just now, having a sleep full of vision snippets, so it looks like the lighter you sleep the more you dream.

As part of the 30 day soul cleansing and detoxification process, we were all advised to drink lots of water and I’ve been doing that in abundance, whilst limiting the amount of alcohol, caffeine and carbs, which has resulted in a weight drop this morning to 81.5kg, which I think is the lowest weight I’ve been for 20+ years. I’m almost at my target weight of 79.99kg, not far to go now.

My reiki today consisted of the wife pleading me to take away the nasty flu / cold sinus problems she has right now (not that anything physical can be changed with energy). She did it standing up for some reason, so I did my thing and after a while she started to sway a little and zone out. Did it help? Probably not. Was there a connection, almost definitely.

Had a vision pop into my head during a meeting of my time on Ben Nevis again and decided to change the wallpaper on my laptop so it’s in sync with my phone now. It was a magical place up there, and I’ll always have a connection with that place. Got me thinking about ley lines and the story “L” mentioned on Sunday as I walked the dog down the beach at Harrison Drive, all within sight of that very spot on Bidston Hill. When I got back, I did some quick googling of and could not find any lines that dissect the Wirral. There is a main line which goes from Scotland down the west coast of England through Glastonbury, and once that crosses through Glastonbury and heads through middle England to Avesbury. Will try again tomorrow.

Watched the first episode of Wonders of the Universe by Prof Brian Cox to try and get some insights into the start and end of the Universe from a scientific perspective. Only watched episode one, but it’s pretty darned good. This is what I gleaned from it:

“Why are we here. Where do we come from. These are the most enduring of questions, and it is an essential part of human nature to want to find the answers. Our story starts with the beginning of the universe. It began 13.7 billion years ago, and today its filled with over a 100 billion galaxies with over a 100 billion stars in each.

Woven into the very fabric of the cosmos is the flow of time, and the fate of the universe is determined by the passage of time. The most profound property of time is that nothing ever lasts forever (so says the scientist, not spiritualist).

Time is the ordering of events, one event after another. Events are never jumbled up, never going backwards.

The arrow of time. We are compelled to travel in to the future. Once change happens, it is never undone. The life of the universe is like our own. Everything is irreversibly changing. The arrow of time drives the evolution of the entire universe. The future is always different to the past.

It’s not simply permanent change that is central for the arrow of time, its decay. The second law of Thermodynamics, proves that time only runs in one direction. Entropy. Order to disorder, there is a difference between the past and the future.

The structured universe cannot last forever. The cosmos will eventually fade and die. The end of the second age will bring the end to light. Red dwarf stars will be the last living things in the universe, which will then the white dwarves, turning black dwarves, little more than ashes. But eventually the matter in black dwarves will decay and be carried off into the void as radiation, leaving absolutely nothing behind. Not a single atom left. All that will remain will be some particles of light and black holes. Eventually after an inordinate amount of time, the black holes will evaporate and all that will remain is a sea of cooling photons until they reach absolute zero , where everything stops and the universe finally comes to an end. Low Entropy. Heat death of the universe. Things no longer change, the arrow of time simply ceases to exist.

The arrow of time and chaos from disorder gives the chance of life, with certain conditions, which is why our physical forms exists today. So what of the spirit. That’s my next question but for tomorrow.

Just realised my hair is starting to resemble Prof Brian Cox, which is quite cool…

Reiki Diary: Day 3

The bed in the hotel room was quite hard, but I sleep like a baby. So well in fact that I don’t recall dreaming at all. I’m not sure whether that is because I slept lightly or slept deeply, will have to find out about that as I don’t know.

‘The best laid plans of mice and men, gaan aft a gley’ as they say in Dumfries. I did get up early-ish at 6.10am, but not enough time to get a yoga or quick reiki session in.

Felt quite positive in the run up, during and after my meeting with the management team today. In general, I don’t recall ever a trip to London where I’ve felt so de-stressed. The yoga and reiki is definitely paying off I think. I like all of the positivity in my life just now. There were times over the last 3 days were I could have easily joined in with the negative vibes, but I chose not to join in and instead tried to put a positive spin on things.
Went for lunch in the sun with “N” and “L”, and a harpist was playing in Canada Park and the sun beat down which was nice as I tucked into my falafel salad.

Not much in the way of coincidence or reiki connections at the time of me getting on the train back to Liverpool. I’m sure there will be no doubt on the train back to my loved ones. I do have a bag of bacon and cheese Tijger Nooijes so I’m sure I’ll be popular when I get back. Need to have a word with our Luke as he hasn’t been that nice to the wife, especially as she has been ill over the last few days. Not going to shout, just going to calmy ask him to stop acting up.

So I’ve done a bit more research about possible alternative theories regarding tinnitus. I kind of liked it so here is an extract:

TINNITUS – AN ALTERNATIVE THEORY By Keith Beasley

1. Background
I have been a tinnitus sufferer for many years but have never felt happy with the various explanations that have been put forward to explain it. Whilst accepting that the condition in some people may have a purely physical cause, I remain convinced that it is nearly all ‘in the mind’. Some years ago I started monitoring my condition and developed a theory as to how my tinnitus occurs. This ‘model’ I offered to other ‘sufferers’. The feedback I received was overwhelmingly supportive of the theory in the hope that others will share the benefit that I have received as a result of this understanding.
Tinnitus as a helpful friend on your path through life!

2. Related Symptoms
My tinnitus is not the only physical symptom that I regularly suffer from. I find that when my tinnitus is bad then so are the following:
* Dry eyes: I wake up with eyes that are nearly glued together with some form of gungy secretion. During the day my eyes will often feel uncomfortably dry.
* Catarrh: I wake up with a blocked nose which can be very difficult to clear. I’ll often need a good half an hour on waking to ‘clear my tubes’ – e.g. a good cough and spit! The more intense the tinnitus the more easily catarrh develops and more difficult to clear it.
* Dry, flaking skin: after prolonged intense tinnitus (2 or 3 weeks) I sometimes notice that the skin on some of my fingers becomes sore.
* Jabbing kidneys often accompany the worse periods of tinnitus.

It seems reasonable that these symptoms have the same cause!

3. What Triggers Tinnitus
It is acknowledged that stress can make tinnitus worse. Why should this be? The indication is surely that one of the triggers or symptoms of stress is also a trigger for tinnitus. Since both relate to mental activity, one could conclude that it is the mental state of a stress sufferer than causes tinnitus.

I have been conscious of my tinnitus since I started trying to ‘sort myself out’ – i.e. to work hard on my personal self development. It seems to me that the more effort I put into changing my bad habits, to improving my attitude to others or otherwise developing my philosophy of life, then it is during and immediately after such effort that the tinnitus is at its most severe.

When going through a particular mental ‘reprogramming’ (e.g. accepting that accountants are only doing their job and are quite nice people really), there will typically be two distinct phases: First there will be an attempt to understand – a logical reasoning as to what the reality of the situation is: logical thought so the tinnitus is very much in the left-hand side. Then there will be an integration of ideas – new concepts compared with old ones. This is more getting the over-view (my model of life) into a single, self consistent picture: this involves intuitive thought so usually corresponds to tinnitus by the right ear.

4. The Theory
I believe that tinnitus is quite literally the ‘sound’ of the brain working. I don’t mean day-to-day working, like doing sums or working out the shopping list, but deeper thinking. The sort of brain activity that results from asking fundamental questions like “What am I doing here?”, “What’s the point?”. Such questions or other issues to which there is no simple answer and which can, quite literally, affect how we live, will mean that all areas of the brain will probably be accessed. Questions without simple answers that often go ’round and round’ in the mind.

Similarly many of us have ‘mental blocks’ – particular subject areas (e.g. platonic friends of the opposite sex, fear of spiders, etc.) which we cannot bear to talk about. Psychologists tell us that these often relate to bits of memory that we isolate and that the brain will go to extra-ordinary lengths to stop us experiencing that memory. These are all examples of where the brain is not working freely, of where thoughts are self perpetuating or otherwise not actually getting anyway – or doing so very slowly. It is this intense brain activity that is tinnitus.

The working brain we now know to be a complex matter involving significant electro-chemical activity. The more intense the brain activity the more intense the chemical reactions: and the louder the tinnitus.

All chemical reactions result in by-products. The reaction occurring in the brain is no exception. An ‘engaged’ brain will use a lot of energy and create a lot of waste – this we experience as catarrh, dry eyes, etc. Similarly the brain will be using up certain chemicals at a higher rate than usual – perhaps this includes Calcium and explains why my skin is not as healthy as it might me during excessive tinnitus periods. Likewise kidneys are related to the elimination of waste – and will often ‘play up’ when we’re struggling to ‘let go’ of bad habits and old ideas . . all part of the same pattern.

5. A Possible Treatment
I no longer regard tinnitus as something we suffer from. Like many other aches and pains it is one of our bodies ways of communicating with us. The position and intensity of the tinnitus, when taken with other signs (like extent of catarrh, whether I’m worried about a current relationship, etc.) tell me – if I listen – my state of mind. It helps me gauge my progress at becoming more self confident and aware.

Treatment of tinnitus is thus not a matter of treating the physical symptoms but, like holistic medicine generally, of finding ways of tackling the root cause – of treating mind, body (and soul) together. If tinnitus has come about because our minds have got stuck in a rut, then to reduce the effect we need to get out of the rut – to dissolve the mental blocks and get our mind working freely.

I have two approaches to this:

1. Face up to facts and get your problems out into the open: read, write, pain, scream, walk – whatever you can to release the issue. My own favourites are Morris dancing and long, totally honest and open, letters to real friends. It all helps to relieve the pressure.

2. Reiki. This alternative therapy is excellent for any condition, but is particularly suitable for tinnitus and it’s causes. Reiki is the ‘Universal Life-force Energy’ and is increasingly becoming accepted as complementary to both conventional medicine and to other alternative therapies. Working with a trained healer, this energy can work directly on your mental blocks. During my own first treatment, I felt a ‘chili bean’ in my brain – a very small area of intense energy: my mental block literally being zapped away by the Reiki energy. The following day at work, issues that would have got me annoyed had no effect whatever!

You can learn the basics of Reiki treatment in a weekend course and treat yourself. This is what I am now doing. My experience of applying it to the tinnitus is as follows:

Say the tinnitus is around the left ear. The Reiki healing hands would be held again the side of the head closest to the sound. Gradually this area will heat up as the energy goes in. The hot area then extends to encompass the site of the tinnitus. Gradually the mental block causing the tinnitus will be dissolved by the energy and the tinnitus will stop.

WARNING: The process does not end when the Reiki treatment itself stops. Although the mental block may have been removed, the brain now has a lot of processing to do. Tinnitus may remain whilst the related ‘reprogramming’ takes place. This may take hours, days or even weeks. Whatever Reiki has been used to treat it will often release toxins from the body and could result in cold type symptoms. You are normally advised to drink a lot to help flush the toxins (re-programming by-products?) out of the system. I often find I feel light-headed immediately afterwards and may not be quite ‘with-it’ for some days.

I see tinnitus as a sign of wrong programming (e.g. due to social or family conditioning). To eliminate it is likely to be a long job and requires considerable will power. Seen as part of finding peace and purpose to life, however, it is a very worthwhile objective. Reiki tackles the root cause of tinnitus.

6. Conclusions and Theory Development
Based on careful observation of the progression of my own tinnitus a theory has been developed which fits my own experiences. This theory helps me to accept the ringing in my ears and to use it as a positive tool in my personal self development. Since writing this piece I have received many messages supporting the theory. It is also becoming clear that the same ideas and treatment may also apply to allergies and addictions – the answer is not to avoid things that cause such physical problems but to face them and determine their root cause . . often a bad memory or an imposed, unrealistic, view of life. Clear these from our minds and our bodies will be cleared of their dis-ease. No quick fix, I’m afraid – decades of conditioning is likely to take months or years to clear. But freedom from the likes of tinnitus has to be worth the effort!

So what if tinnitus is just trapped energy? If it is just trapped energy, then it can be released. If it is a physical thing, then there is nothing that reiki perhaps can do about that. Once again, the previous me would not have even found that page on the internet, as the sceptic would not have known what reiki was. But I do now, and as “L” said, there is perhaps a reason why things happen at certain times in one’s life. Maybe for me that time is now. So I’m approaching 42, the universal answer to the meaning of life according to Douglas Adams and the Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy. That in itself is rather coincidental. Maybe that’s what he actually meant. We start off as innocents, bereft of cynicism and sceptical outlooks in life. Then we learn at a ridiculous rate, taking in all of the positives and negatives life throws at us. Then we reach puberty and genetics throws in a curve ball for us to deal with. Following on it’s the turbulence of relationships (sexual or otherwise), drink, drugs, excess food, the list goes on.

Then comes the children if you are lucky enough to have them. It really is at that point that the path of responsibility changes your life forever, and having kids puts pay to those bachelor days and days of lethargy (or adds to it in some cases).

But I guess eventually like in my case, one has to look forward and plan for the future. Drinking less, eating healthy foods, become well read, looking after the body we need to carry around for another 42 years becomes ever so important.

But it doesn’t stop there. It can’t stop there. We may have our mind intact and our bodies may resemble (ever so slightly) Spartan warriors, but for me there was still a missing piece. Inner self. Inner peace. Spirituality. Soul.

On Sunday, “L” defined what spirituality meant to her. It’s certainly not about religion, nor is it about the afterlife. It’s about loving yourself (not in a narcissistic way). It’s about the law of attraction and surrounding yourself by positive energy. It’s about overcoming fear (and all negative things associated with fear – not in the sense of being scared of something, just in the sense of negativity as an opposition to love). If one overcomes fear, and learns to deal with fear, what to do and how to react to fear (in my case how to confront people, knowing when the best time is to confront people, knowing how to tailor communications so that fear doesn’t turn into anger, and anger turns to hate – and we all knows what happens there, ain’t that right Yoda).

I’ve never really heard of spirituality being described in that way before. I like it. I like it a lot. A wave of energy has just come over me just thinking about the first time “L” and I connected on Sunday. I’ve never felt anything like it before in my life. I have to and want to accept the there is a universal life force that connects all living things. For the appalling film that The Phantom Menace was, the concept of ‘midichlorians’ and the joy that A New Hope brought in the first place at Obi Wan Kenobi’s hut with his ‘force’ description, there is a lot of connections that can be made between Star Wars and reiki. Sounds very cheesy but it’s true.

If one truly believes in the big bang theory, then one must surely believe in universal energy. If we all started from one singularity which spewed out everything from one moment in time and space, then of course we must all be connected in some way or form to the beginning, even if the beginning was billions of years ago.

I don’t know much (almost nothing) about quantum physics, quarks, string theory and stuff like that (maybe I need to converse with “M”), but there must be even if oh so slight, a resonance, a frequency within us all of that event.

Maybe the time is right for me now to search for that missing link. I want to believe in eternity. I want to believe in life after death. I don’t want to be scared of dying. I do believe that as I continue my search for the inner self, I will find peace.

I will continue to be a knobhead I’m sure, from time to time doing crazy things. I will continue to run silly races. I will continue to drink too much on occasion. I will pig out from time to time. That much I’m certain. I will also not treat yoga and reiki as a fad. I’ve been doing yoga for 6 months now and I look forward to that 1h15m every Monday evening. I am looking forward to finding out more about this thing we call life. It’s only taken me 42 years to realise it…

Just this second decided to blog the diary on Infinity Beckons, as I can review my spiritual progress through the app on the iPhone and iPad. Not for anyone’s benefit (not that anyone probably reads or follows it) just for my own. Just looked at the image on the home page. A universal energy spiralling into a glorious singularity. Another sign…

Reiki Diary: Day 2

Didn’t dream much last night (with the exception of driving a HGV in America with my cousin Ian and having issues at a toll booth), must have been quite tired after yoga and reiki. Don’t actually remember waking up, although I may have turned over into my usual foetal position.

Tinnitus feels a little better today. Weighed myself and happy with the results. Going all paleo for the next 2 days because I can, being in London. Must drink lots of water and stay away from caffeine and alcohol, although I am on the First Class carriage tomorrow which may well prove to be too difficult to resist!

“L” sent me a message last night saying I need to chill out with the reiki and have fun with it. The wife also said she had also been in touch with her and told her that I had a ‘new toy’ and my usual intensity had kicked. She is of course totally right, and I think I need to calm it down a little bit. The trying too hard routine is making the waves of energy I think. May well get better overall results if I don’t try as hard.

Gonna try put my ‘new toy’ into practice today at work. No more negativity, if there is something I don’t know or I’ve not done the best at, I’ll see it as an opportunity for learning from others. Need to keep “L”s positive levels up as well.

Saw “L” out of the corner of my eye at New Brighton station but opted not to let on for some reason and get on the train instead. Not sure whether if was because she was with the others on the balcony last night. I think if there is an opportunity for negativity I should stay away from it, bearing in mind that when I have to, I deal with it in the right way.

Saw “L” ahead of me in the escalator so had a chat with her and asked her how her mum was. Impossible to know what has been said to her, but that doesn’t or shouldn’t really concern me. If someone has a perception of you via a third party and they think less of you without knowing the full story or even asking for your side of it, then that’s a relationship that’s destined to be civilities only. And that’s the trick. The wive is very good at pulling the lever and turning that emotion off. I need to learn how to do that.

Just seen “P” a Jehovahs Witness guy I used to work with at the CSA going to the ATM at Lime Street. Looks like he’s not on my train though. He was a nice guy, last time we met was at The Move festival in Manchester to see Morrissey. He was with a stunning girl. At the time I thought at the time he was punching well above his weight, but I don’t think like that anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say.

I’ll always remember the time I went back to the office after drinking 6 pints of Stella with “M” at lunch time, and sat at my desk singing ‘Dismal, Dismal give us a wave’ Dismal a direct replacement for his surname “D”, then tried to climb on top of an 8ft high filing cabinet cutting my arm in the process. He suggested to me that I should go home and said nothing to the boss. Instant dismissal at an oil and gas major. I have “P” to thank for that as he could have rightly had be up on a warning.

I think it was soon after that I resigned my post at the union as I was becoming more stressed by the whole thing.

Just sent the wife a morning text. Miss her already. Zoned out for a bit and sent her some good vibes (distance reiki!), let’s hope it works its magic on her sore throat.

Nice breakfast today. Bare Earth Biltong from Morrisons, water, banana and an apple. Biltong translates as strips of buttocks. Sure does taste good though. Different from Wild West. Looks like proper slices of beef and its cheaper too.

Just looked through all of my photos on my phone, all recalled the happy times we had in Florida last year. Really was a great trip with many fond memories. Came across the favourite picture I’ve ever taken (of the clouds and cairns atop Ben Nevis) and set it as my lock screen, and remembered that Laura said she saw an image of a (cold) mountain when she did my atunement. Maybe that, as there was snow on the top as we made our way to the summit. Think I’d like to do the 3 Peaks again one day.

Ate lunch with “L” at Crush (salad, chicken, kelp and nuts). And once again another mad coincidence. Got chatting to the girl at the till and started talking about Mexican beer bottles and the real reason why the put a lime in the top, and she serves me my munchies and Diet Zero on a silver plate. I had randomly picked up a bottle with the name “L” on the back. Getting a bit freaky now!

Ate Paleo food all day and all night (with the exception of raspberry tarte at Jamie Oliver’s tonight) and felt good about it. Feeling pretty tired now so not going to do yoga or reiki tonight. Plan to get up real early in the morning and do some before my big meeting tomorrow to put me in the right place.

Reiki Diary: Day 1

Had a dream last night about “E” in work. He is really the only person I don’t get on with. In my dream he started to kick off on me over a joint task and I asked him to step into another room and got “S” in as a mediator. He carried on ranting for a while, then I stopped him and asked him was it me, did he not like me, did he think I wasn’t competent? He then shrivelled up into a ball underneath a table and grew a really long moustache and started babbling and rocking like a mad man. Strange dream. Goes back to me dealing with conflict I think. I need to get better at it.

I do shy away from confrontation and I need to find a way to remove the barriers and gain the confidence to approach people who have issues with me.

My tinnitus was quite bad last night going to bed after the events of yesterday, and it is a little heightened today, more than normal. That scares me a bit, because the energy I felt yesterday was so raw, so uncontrolled, I don’t know mid / long term if reiki will help or hinder my tinnitus.

I guess I know there is an energy force within me. Maybe tinnitus is an energy force and it’s not what the doctors say it is. I certainly felt that during the attunement 1 and 4 and the share with “M”, the tinnitus was somehow linked. I have had panic attack type feelings in the past where there has been a sudden burst of tinnitus whilst walking down the street giving me that ‘I’ve just fallen over inside my head’ feeling, really disorientating. Maybe it was a burst of energy.

2 vivid recollections of this syndrome was walking past Holly Lodge school on Green Lane shortly after I first contracted tinnitus which had me grabbing school wall by the side of the road. The second was walking down Church Street, Liverpool on a busy Saturday afternoon, with me having to takeg a detour down the side street which housed the Solitaire clothes shop.

Just had to take some pills for my headache, a little boost today as my vision is slightly impaired (blind spot).

Thinking about yesterday more, people were saying they were getting visions which I did not, except for one thing. When we were sharing with “J”, I saw the shape of a 5 pointed star, not a pentagram. I showed “J” my tattoo with a star of the same shape. It was only last night that I remembered that the star was an extract of the inlay from a Smashing Pumpkins album (Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness) and my favourite slow track Galapagos, which has embedded in it the star I saw, which is actually a nautical star, which is either a coincidence or a sign as “J” works on water sports.

Put the cd from “L” on to our mobile devices, then hooked up Spotify and subscribed to her uploads. Put on a few tracks and then selected the Kundalini one, the piano intro reminded me a little of Anathema, and instantly a huge wave of energy came over me. A short while “A” pinged me from Amsterdam to tell me about his new addition to the family and we got chatting about yesterday. As we are kindred spirits of sorts, I shared my experience as he has taken up yoga as a result I think of me telling him how good it was, and I think he may follow suit with reiki.

After reiki yesterday we went for fast food, but as I had taken out all of the wife’s cards from her purse we didn’t have enough money for all. After we counted all of the change, we found that we had enough (2p spare) for the wife and the kids but not me which was ok as I didn’t really want fast food, and I had the low fat spaghetti bolognaise from the night before. Then today, we had no pound coin for the Morrisons trolley as we had used everything the night before, only for me to casually look down into the door of the passenger seat to find a single £1 coin.

Whilst in Morrison’s, walked past a bunch of Coke Zero bottles, the one in the dead centre which my focus was drawn to read “L”…

When I got back from lunch, knocked next door to advise that there was a bees nest in their loft space. “S” wasn’t in but at the point at which I turned around to go back to our house, his ex girlfriend turned up in her car so I told her what we could see from our garden. And her name. “L”…

Yoga was good tonight. I found it a lot easier tonight, whether that was because the postures were easier or the benefit of reiki its difficult to say.

Walking back down the beach way, bumped into “J” with his kids. Said that he’d tried it on himself last night and he could feel it. Told him about the nautical star image.

Still issues with the neighbours across the road. Still not sure what to do there. Think it will have to be a confrontation of sorts, in a real positive way if I can. Really awkward as every time I leave the house it’s right there in my face. Still getting a little wound up about it. It needs to get addressed and this is a good test of my reiki outlook.

Did reiki on the dog a few times today, he seemed to zone out and he’s been following me around more today, so it seems.

Felt really good overall today. The troubles of last week all put to bed. Just need to sort out the neighbours thing and be positive in work.

Gave the wife a quick 10 minute reiki session. Minimal lighting, lavender balm, Russill Paul’s music (Track 2: Aum and Track 3: Lokah Samastha). Third Eye Chakra: Some energy. Throat Chakra: Some energy. Heart Chakra: Felt energy running around myself and legs felt really heavy like lead (maybe the way I was standing, or a carryover from yoga, or something else. Solar Plexus Chakra: No energy. Sacral Chakra: Some energy. No REM so not as strong as yesterday for sure.

Asked the wife is she felt anything. She said she felt relaxed, and had a feeling of being at sea, bobbing up and down, like on a lilo. That’s the way I feel the energy, it’s not a constant, it comes over in waves. She also said that my breathing was quite off putting. When the energy flows, I fall deeper into it and as the energy intensifies my breathing deepens as a result. Must try to stop that in future as it was mentioned yesterday as well (even though I couldn’t help it during atunement 1 as I did know what the hell was going on)!