Return of the Unwelcomed…


Silently it sleeps, waiting.
Waiting for its chance.
Chance to take over when defences are down.
Down they are, and then the return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The stark duality of existence.
Existence of the Light and the Dark.
Dark has it’s turn.
Turn the return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The inner daemon battles it out.
Out to oust reason and sanity.
Sanity temporarily lost.
Lost light and dark’s return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The chaos brings back memories past.
Past regrets, transgressions of the lush.
Lush sobers, once again locked away.
Away with the dark, will it return?
Return of the unwelcomed.

——————————————————–

To err is to human, and when one loses control of function, logic and reason, the err can be very err indeed. Sadly for me, my daemon paid me a visit on Friday night, a dark figure that I had not seen for a long, long time. It was a stark reminder that such a thing still exists and given a certain set of circumstances, it will return, unwelcomed.

What started off well, a night spent with some good friends, quickly turned sour upon my return to the homeland, my search for further inebriation taking on vortex form, a chaos twisting through empty drinking establishments in the village, my search for a consuming comrade in vain.

The fallout was inevitable, similar fallouts to those of the past. The regret the next morning was inevitable, similar regrets to those of the past.

I guess it was a less than a gentle reminder that I still have a problem, which only comes out when I drink over my limit. Very much like the water buckets you see in Aqua Parks, the liquid keeps going in, filling up. And it’s all too clear from the onlookers what’s coming next. The bucket starts to shake, starts to tilt, until it unleashes its force on its victims below.

Thankfully (I guess) my force is always verbal, ill-judged, irrational, illogical and quite illusory. This time, it came from nowhere and that’s the real danger. No crap day at the office, or any family issues, or any monetary concerns, just a craving for more.

I spent most of the weekend beating myself up about it, taking the dog for long walks and thinking.

If there was a silver lining to this cloud, it was that this weekend gave me a real reminder that inner daemons exist (in most of us in one form or another) and like everything in life, moderation was the key. Food, drink, exercise and desire, if all done in moderation, the Universe stays in perfect harmony and if everything is perfectly balanced then so is the mind, and the daemons remain banished.

So was it coincidence or irony that before I got on the train on Friday, I uploaded a blog about storm clouds, or was it a premonition, or in fact a future echo – a self-created breadcrumb?

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